So it seems the honeymoon phase is coming to an end.

The reality of it all is kicking in. Fatigue, the lack of sleep, the lack of downtime, the lack of the opportunity to unwind has me no longer on a love high and quickly sinking to the ground, In fact sometimes I feel like I am sinking through it.

"Welcome to parenthood my boy" I say to myself...

I guess that's what all the inexplicable heart bursting love and emotion was setting us up for. It was jet fuel for us to draw from in order to move through the pits of the experience. The potholes of the journey. It is full equal amounts of shadow as it is beauty. This is what makes any picture truly beautiful... the harmony of the shadows with the light.

Let's talk about it shall we.

I thought I would cope with the lack of sleep because generally I have weird sleep habits and patterns. I can do a few nights of little to no sleep pretty well, but then at some point my body needs to catch up.

I can be patient with a lot of unrest, challenge and chaos, but at some point I need to step away from it to regroup and juice up.

With having a baby however It feels like it all never stops. It feels like an ever turning wheel that won't let you rest.

I have seen some parents (before I became one) look negligent with babies and what the baby needs. Now in hindsight and mostly due to my own experience, I realize those parents were tired as fuck. They were exhausted, so exhausted that they were at their wits end as they heard yet another cry, yet another groan, yet another need to change a nappy, feed yet again, burp and make the baby feel safe enough to sink to surrender and rest, the "fuck it" energy kicks in.

"What about me?!?" I feel myself want to yell.

"What about my rest and need to surrender?"

"When are you going to give me (or at the very least LET me give myself that?)"...

"You little shit!"... *Gotta stick in the "little shit" bit to emphasize how fucked off you feel by this bundle of infinite joy God has blessed you with. Yup, that infinite joy comes with infinite trial, unrest and fatigue.

How do we survive... TEAM WORK. That's the answer, teamwork. When I'm about to Snap, Yana senses it and asks to take over. When Yana is at her wits end and can barely lift her head off the pillow, I step in and carry our bundle of joy till I can't anymore then we exchange again. I thank the good Lord for team work.

I swear I don't know how single parents do it. I don't know how my single mum did it. I guess you just do right? You just DO. You're in it and there's no turning back, so you trudge on... Fucking up as you go, tripping on everything, falling and getting back up.

And the wild twisted beauty of it all is, "You're only ONE month in my boy... There's at least another 20 years ahead of you." That's how old I was when I officially left the nest and my mom was no longer in the know or was directly responsible for what I ate, knew where or how I slept.

20 more years to go chap... And here you are entertaining running for the hills some nights at ONE month... Lol.

So, Team work... Boy am I glad to be playing in this team.